


call me friend but keep me closer

by cloudfree



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Ambiguous Relationships, Angst, Dancing, F/F, One-Sided Attraction, One-Sided Pearl/Rose Quartz (Steven Universe), Pregnancy, Shh, Slow Dancing, Strawberries, probably not one sided after all
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-05
Updated: 2019-01-05
Packaged: 2019-10-04 13:51:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17305790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cloudfree/pseuds/cloudfree
Summary: If Pearl knew that this was going to be their last dance, she’d have held onto the experience for just a bit longer.





	call me friend but keep me closer

**Author's Note:**

> I have a multichapter I need to update but I'm neglecting it in favor of this oneshot I thought up today. Title comes from Billie Eilish's "when the party's over". Seemed fitting :) It's a little rough since I've been getting weird bouts of inspiration and have been writing things left and right without revising them, but I'll come back to it if needed. Enjoy!

She remembers the battle on this field like it was yesterday. It was empty, barren, before they found it. A bare, desolate wasteland, and after the fight, a wasteland littered with the shards of her dead friends, her allies, her enemies. A graveyard that should never have been.

Now, so many years later, there are thousands upon thousands of red strawberries, fresh and rotund as they peek out of miles of sprawling green flora past rolling, verdant hills. It’s a testament to the perpetuity of life, of everything they’ve lost and gained over millennia of hardship and strife.

In the midst of it all, the two of them stand, attempting to get as close to their shared past as possible. Rose’s hair sways as she sings a distant, forgotten melody, and her shorter, lankier companion stands so rigidly beside her you’d think she was an actual statue. They’re talking about life. About peace, and happiness, and the war that was fought to preserve it.

“It’s a little known fact,” Rose says, caressing a fragrant leaf in her hands, “that life, wherever it is taken from, will eventually return to its source.” She is bathed in a sudden tornado of petals as they twirl and dance around her like millions of tiny nymphs.

“What do you mean?” Pearl asks. A mild breeze rustles through the clearing, displacing the storm and settling them to the ground once more.

Rose smiles, something warm and open. Her hand reaches out, suddenly. “Dance with me, and I’ll tell you.”

They waltz to the tune of birdsong and the harmony of the breeze, one of Rose’s hands on Pearl’s waist and another clasped around her own. She turns them around, pirouetting as the sun shines upon them with radiant brilliance.

“This world,” Rose says, stars in her eyes, “is so beautiful, so... _unpredictable.”_

Pearl can only stare. Rose pulls her closer, with a laugh like fresh dew on grass. They twirl again a few times for good measure, Rose’s gown billowing with the motions.

“We took _so_ much life from this place,” the taller gem says, eyes sad, “So many opportunities for it to grow and develop.” Pearl knows she still blames herself for this, knows she always will, no matter how many times she tries to reassure her. It might have been her colony, but how was she to know that there was something else on it too? Something worth protecting?

She wants to tell Rose again that she’s done enough for this place, for everyone and everything living on it, to redeem herself for whatever wrongs she committed in the past a few hundred times over. Though she knows better than to say anything. There are some things you just can’t make someone believe, no matter how hard you try.

“But look, Pearl,” beams Rose, “Look at how we’ve given it back.”

Pearl is still confused, the comprehension eluding her. It’s hard to think. “How so?”

“All of our fellow gems, beneath the ground now,” Rose whispers, as if to keep from disturbing them. Their footfalls are as light and airy as the clouds in the sky. “All of that life energy is seeping back into the earth, where it belongs.”

 _The strawberries._ “They’re giving life to the plants,” Pearl breathes, the understanding dawning on her.

Rose beams again. “You’re so smart!”

Any other gem of equal standing might have taken it as a condescending insult, but it makes Pearl blush anyway.

“T-thank you,” she says awkwardly.

The dance continues in silence. Pearl’s eyes are somewhere else, though she can feel Rose’s adoration coming off her in waves. It’s still so strange to her, even after all these years, even after she’s most definitely outlived her usefulness, her novelty, that she can make Rose so happy. And that Rose can make her feel so happy in return. So important. So loved.

She doesn’t see where she’s going; they trip and fall. Rose doesn’t have to follow, not really  - they both know she’s much too strong for Pearl to be able to pull her along - but she goes anyway, falling on top of Pearl unceremoniously.

Pearl snaps into action. “Rose! I’m - “  
  
She opens her eyes. The other gem is looking down at her with an expression she can’t identify, pink hair cascading down onto Pearl’s face in rivulets. She can’t look away. “Don’t worry about it.”

Pearl can’t help but smile too, at the grin in Rose’s voice. “Are you all right?”

Rose shrugs and laughs. “I’ve had worse.” She gets off Pearl, but makes no move to stand up.

Pearl crosses her legs as Rose brushes her gown off, a startlingly human gesture. They sit together, backs pressed flush against each other. Rose busies herself with running her fingers along the grass, while Pearl thinks about the bigger things.

“Rose…” she starts.

Her companion makes an acknowledging noise, turning around to face her. Pearl does the same, and shivers when their knees brush together. She fights the sudden, insane urge to grab fistfuls of Rose’s dress, tell her how much she means to her - kiss her, even? She isn’t sure -  right then and there.

“I-” _I love you,_ She doesn’t say. “I know I’m just a pearl, and I shouldn’t, but you’re...you’re so smart and wonderful and - and - “

She feels the soft hand grip her chin, so domineering yet so gentle in its ministration. “Pearl.”  
  
She can’t look, for fear of what she will see. Rejection? Pity? Disgust? “Pearl. My Pearl.”

Slowly, she lifts her face up. Breathes in the smell of roses, of lacrimations, of soft, unfurling petals. And her eyes widen.  
  
Because when she looks at Rose, when she looks at this fierce, noble warrior she’s had the pleasure to serve in battle, to serve as a _friend,_ when she looks into those dark, soulful eyes, she sees _everything._

She sees the birth of new stars. Of powerful, transcending love. A loyalty she could never fathom towards herself. She sees her friends, her allies, her unwilling enemies. She sees the sorrow only a lover could feel, the pain of a thousand heartbreaks. It hurts. But she can’t look away.

 _I love you,_ she tries to say. But she knows in her heart of hearts that saying it out loud makes it real, and real is scary. Real means there’s an even more real possibility that Rose, beautiful, beautiful Rose, will turn away from her forever, shun her until she is nothing more than just another face in a distant crowd. What would she do then?

“You are _not_ just ‘a pearl’,” Rose says firmly, breaking her thoughts. “You’re so much more than that.”

Oh, how she wants to accept those words, swim in them until they soak into her bones, deep and immutable. As nice as they sound, Pearl will never be able to believe, not even for a second. After all, she was made to serve, and obey, and be a plaything, made to be subjugated to the whims of her superiors.

But if it makes Rose happy, she’ll play along.

Pearl nods.

“What were you saying, before?” Rose asks gently. “I’m sorry for cutting you off.”

It’s not important. Pearl says so, and Rose doesn’t press the matter further. They sit there in quiet, companionable silence.

A squirrel skitters across the grass with its young grasped firmly by the scruff of its neck. Both of them watch it scale a nearby tree with ease, continuing to watch the empty spot in the trees long after it’s gone. They turn back to look at each other, taking their sweet time.

Rose’s expression is like the morning sun. “I have something to tell you.”  
  
“What is it?” Her happiness is so contagious, reaching out to Pearl, making her one with the feeling. Pearl feels her trepidation ooze away.

She leans against a nearby tree, folding her hands against her stomach in a protective embrace. The gesture looks so alien, so _human._ She needn’t say more.

Oh.

Being with Rose, in a way, means that you have to spend a lot of time around humans. Rose loves them so much. She’s seen them born, she’s seen them die, all with a childlike, innocent sort of wonder. (And Pearl’s been with her the whole time.)

She’s even talked about wanting to be one, to feel the connections a human would, to actually _be_ alive instead of just simulating it as she has been. And her wish seems to have been granted.

“Y-you’re…” Pearl doesn’t mean to sound this shocked. Doesn’t mean to feel so...empty.  “This isn’t possible. This - “  
  
“But it is, Pearl!” Rose gushes, “I’m going to have a baby!”

“How - “ _What does this mean?_

“I wasn’t so sure of the mechanics, but…” Rose doesn’t hear her internal monologue. She continues, oblivious to the fact that Pearl is melting away, falling and falling like rain. “I did it! And I’m going to be... A mother! What would Blue and Yellow say if they saw us now?”

It’s the first time she’s mentioned them for thousands of years. She’d never slipped up before, never been this happy to let her past out into the open so easily.

“A mother…” Pearl echoes weakly, the word more of a curse than a benediction. She tries to get her lips to curve upward, tries to muster up some kind of happiness for her charge, anything. But it doesn't come.

Rose has forgotten she’s there, gaze somewhere far away. A vacant smile adorns her face. No doubt is she imagining the future of her unborn child, something organic and new and _living._ She’s saying something about Greg and all the names the two of them have undoubtedly spent days picking out for it, but Pearl has stopped listening.

She might be stupid, but she’s not that stupid when it comes to the biology of her own race. If it can even be called biology.

“Rose…” Pearl murmurs, the beginnings of fear clawing up into her heart again. “You...you know what this means, right? Are you sure you want to go through with this?”

They stare at each other for a moment. Pearl can’t believe she has the courage to meet Rose’s gaze, and she does, her gaze pleading for her to understand.

Rose’s face changes, like clouds passing over the sun. She doesn't. “Of course I want to. Why wouldn’t I?” She looks sad and confused. Pearl already regrets saying anything.

“You’re giving up your physical form,” she tries to say, gently. It comes out sounding hard and unfeeling. “Both of you won’t be able to exist at the same time.”

A few thousand years ago, she would have shattered herself for daring to speak to Rose that way. She’s overstepping her boundaries, and she hates herself _so much_ but the words keep slipping out of her and she doesn’t know where they’re coming from. All of this is _Rose’s_ choice, not hers. Who is she to question it? “You’ll be leaving all of us behind.” _You’ll be leaving me behind._

At least Rose has the decency to look somewhat upset. “Oh, Pearl,” she murmurs, “don’t think of it that way.

I’m going to be a part of whatever I’ve created. I’ll be alive, and born, and maybe I’ll just look a little different,” she laughs, “maybe I won’t remember the little things.” She splays her hands out on the grass. One lies inches away from Pearl, so close to her reach. Her own hand twitches.

“What about everything we’ve been through?” Pearl’s voice cracks. “What about _us?”_

Rose eyes her sadly. “My Pearl.”

_What? What could you possibly say to make this better?_

“I’ll still be with you. I’ll _always_ be with you, no matter what. Even if I won’t be the same.” Rose says. She becomes serious. “But please, promise me one thing.”

Pearl softens despite herself. “Of course.”

She’ll go to the ends of the earth for this gem, no matter what. Even if Rose threw her away, or abandoned her, or forgot about her. She’s nothing, that’s true, but Rose is _everything._ That won’t ever change.

“Take care of my child,” Rose smiles sadly, “Protect him.”

Pearl doesn't need to answer - the agreement has already silently passed between them. She sits there in silence, staring at the ground before her. She is dimly aware of Rose standing up abruptly, and saying something about going back.

She looks up. Rose holds out a hand to her, and she takes it, knees bending as she stands. “Let’s hurry home,” Rose says fondly.

Twilight has settled over the trees, coating everything in darkness. The light of fireflies chasing each other sends tiny lightning-sparks flashing in the distance, and she takes Rose’s hand, following close behind her. She’s eternally grateful to the moon, and the sun, and Rose, most of all, for allowing her to trail behind her instead of insisting that they walk like equals, side by side as usual.

Because she isn’t sure that she’ll be able to hide the tears in time, dripping and splashing across her face in time to the steady, pulsing ache of her chest. She isn't sure if anything in her life will be the same, ever again. If Rose hears her trying to stifle her whimpers, she doesn’t comment.

 _I love you,_ she’d almost said. But it was already too late.

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback is appreciated :) Leave kudos if you liked!


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